Wednesday, April 28, 2010

How Much is That Hypoallergenic Doggy in the Window?

And does it come in a house trained version? These were necessary attributes, which needed to be possessed by any doggy companion for Bella Bawk Ba Gawk. Have I introduced Bawk, yet? Sorry, I get ahead of myself. Here is Ms. Bella Bawk Ba Gawk:

At roughly 10 weeks old.

Here She is Now:

She is a little over a year old and has been desperately lonely since both B and I have found it necessary to work long hours of the day to eat and live. (She makes no chicken noises what-so-ever and doesn't really resemble a chicken in any way. Such is life in the Lacy household). She is, in fact, a Cavachon (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel x Bichon Frise) Alas, she is hypoallergenic, which is necessary for me as I suffer from allergies but could not suffer life without a dog

While Bella is a bundle of energy, joy, and distinct sarcasm...seriously, she produces some very sarcastic, indignant bawr rawrs...I've been feeling a need to provide her with some companionship. I have no time to properly train a puppy, though, and would feel horribly guilty having to crate one all day. It would be ruined if I did that. Too much responsibility to get a new puppy right now. I was blessed with a few months off of work to properly raise Bella. Where on Earth was I going to find a small, hypoallergenic, house trained, playful, young dog?! There are virtually none up for adoption here in the Brazos County. They all apparently reside in Dallas.

Well, ask and ye shall receive. Ye shall, ye shall. Last night, while at our church smallgroup, we were presented with the opportunity to adopt a 2-year-old poodle named Pluto. Pluto has grown up with dogs so she's a great companion. She does have some minor health problems, and life with a smaller dog will most likely suit her better. Last night was her first in the Lacy household, and she spent it piled on top of B and me along with Bella Bawk.

We like funky you may have noticed...and while Pluto is cute, it just doesn't correspond with Bella Bawk Ba Gawk as well as we would prefer.

Meet Ms. Tallulah McCluckins!

Friday, April 23, 2010

It's the Least Wonderful Time of the Year

It's time for high school seniors to graduate and look forward to the dreaded task of being advised and then attempting to register for whatever measly schedule of courses may remain, as upper lever classmen have had weeks to ravish what once was a full and bright future littered with ideal class options. Well, if you're graduating high school, I don't encourage you to hope for much better than Ceramics I for Fall 2010, and no, it doesn't transfer to A&M. But that's the nature of the beast.

While I, the academic advisor, could easily become friend or foe to these green, and already embittered freshman, pondering such results is often not the reason for the sour churning in my stomach as I leave the warmth and safety of my office to retrieve a student and the student's data sheet. Instead, it's spotting the dreaded sticky note attached to a student data form. Why, you ask? How could an item as small, functional, and convenient as a sticky note induce such angst? Because the letters on that inconsequential piece of paper spell out P-A-R-E-N-T. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This impending meeting has taken a horrible turn. A student has brought the parental unit with them. Students, if you can avoid this scenario...the one where your parent breathes down our necks and tells you which courses to circumvent a great deal of sweat, blood, and tears...for both of us.

Having said that, I understand being really concerned that you understand every little detail pertaining to the potential events for the next four or five years of your child’s life, but it is necessary to set a limit on the parental mania that is often coupled with freshman registration. Where is that limit, you may ask? Well…I think I’ve found it.(This really happened) You’ve most likely crossed the threshold once you’ve decided to hunt me (the advisor) down in the bathroom to ask more questions after I have just met with you and your child for almost an hour! Nope, she didn’t need to go. She just wanted me to answer more questions and apparently saw me go in there. I was fortunate enough to have finished my business and was exiting the stall when she pounced. I suppose it is fortunate for her as well, as she did not have to look under the stall doors to discover which one I had chosen to occupy.


Oh, and the next bratty student that comes in to merely grunt and sigh like a petulant teenager whenever I indicate a class he will eventually need to fulfill, I would like to kindly remind him that I don’t have kids yet and would like to postpone my own personal experience with teenage angst and rebellion and general distaste for manners for as long as possible!

It's now 1:57pm and my lunch break is almost over. Dear, Lord Baby Jesus, can we fast forward to 5pm? Just this once...

Bis Bald,

Monday, April 12, 2010

I'm not completely M.I.A.

Hi Everyone,

As the busy summer days approach, I'm afraid my capacity for coherent word formation may lessen. You may wonder when it ever was large. You can be so rude like that.

Rest assured, though, I will do my best to return every now and then to provide profound thoughts on the following subjects:

1) Why do mortgage companies insist on sucking? It would have been nice to know that we had a lock and float interest rate option on a 90 day lock down agreement about 30days ago, you great big punks.

2) Is anyone as emotioanlly disturbed by the Bethenny Frankel vs. Jill Zarin situation as I am? And why can't women let other women be in love and get married without pursuing full-on character defamation of said "woman in love and getting married"?

3)Do you think it's annoying when women, who have lush, thick, gorgeous hair, complain that it takes them too long to dry it? These vexatious women can be likened to the lithe, skinny women, who complain that they often forget to eat. What planet are you living on and how can I get there?

And finally, 4) If one more parent (and I'm talking to you, Moms) comes into my office with their eighteen-year-old and mute (whether by pressure, disinterest, or sheer terror)child, claims that they would like to be advised on a particular degree plan, snatches the piece of paper detailing the aformentioned degree plan from my hands, and proceeds to dictate to their child exactly which courses that child will be taking the following semester...I will...most likely do nothing, as I prefer to keep my job. But be aware that silently, in my mind, I am requesting that you either shut your yap and let your kid talk about his or her actual interests or promptly exit my the most gentile manner possible, of course.

Bis Bald,

Monday, April 5, 2010

10 Ways for Introverts to Get to Know Their Church Family...

Actually, I just have 2 ways.

#1: Be married to a banjo-playing, mouth harp plucking, djembe pounding, conversation without-any-particular-filter initiating environmental designer. This option will undoubtedly launch you into a plethora of awkward social situations. You WILL be forced to get to know people. You'll be grateful in the end, though.

#2: Invite lots and lots of people from said church family to your minuscule abode in the attempt to throw an unofficial, messianic Jewish, while none of us are Jewish (save Max), Sedar dinner on Good Friday.

WARNING: While these two events are not mutually inclusive, as the occurrence of option #2 does not necessitate the existence of option #1, the events described in option #2 will unquestionably ensue should one successfully achieve option #1. I speak from experience.

Jewish custom calls for the Sedar dinner to be performed on the first or second night of Passover, and it commemorates the exodus of the the Jews from Egyptian captivity. It also reiterates God's promise to His people that the Messiah will come to deliver them from the sin of this world and into a new Jerusalem.

As Christians, we believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah and did die for our sins as a fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecies. God, who is love...I like to wrap my mind around that sometimes. God is LOVE. Love cannot exist without God, and as we are made in His image, we feel the emotion of love. It's so easy to quantify God as an angry, or worse, emotionless figure residing in the sky. That is so far from the truth. Our fullest capacity to love as humans is minute in comparison to God's constant existence as LOVE. He loves us soooo much! So he died for us. Jesus Christ, the son and human form of God, allowed himself to be torturously beaten and nailed to a cross so that we may be with God eternally. Gosh...what can one say but "Yes, Lord. Thank you, Lord."

Still, as Christians, our heritage found in the Jewish faith is undeniable, and I would encourage any of you to host or attend a Sedar sometime during the next Passover. Or anytime, for that matter. It is a ceremony rich with the culture of God's people and the remembrance of his faithfulness. Don't be intimidated by the word "ceremony", though. Allow me to provide you with some imagery of the attempted Lacy Sedar feast and offer some pointers. Don't worry; we didn't set the bar too high.

#1: If you only have a kitchen dinette with four chairs and approximately 13 people in attendance, don't fret. Put the leaf in it and position a plastic folding table haphazardly next to it. Then utilize every chair or ottoman you have in possession. Dark burgundy wingbacks mixed with light mauve grandma chairs provide an excellent, sort of "Alice in Wonderland/Mad Hatter Tea Party" ambiance.

#2: Learn the difference between a Matzah cracker and a Matzah ball and when it is appropriate to use both. Apparently, the leader (B in this scenario) is meant to break a Matzah cracker and pass the pieces to his fellow Sedar participants...not a soggy, dripping Matzah ball.

#3: If you decide to go ahead and provide actual wine for the four ceremonial cups, keep in mind that these "cups" are actually more similar to "toasts". One need not dilute wine with grape juice for fear of a wine famine by way of over consumption. In other words, don't worry about your guests getting toasted. 4 cups=4 toasts/sips.

#4: While it is a ceremony meant to be performed with some reverence, don't forget that God has a sense of humor, which is why we do, so have fun and laugh.

By carefully following these instructions, any introvert can be on their way to creating new friendships and healthy spiritual ties. And you'll be eternally grateful for God's humor and consideration in providing you with a banjo-playing, mouth harp plucking, djembe pounding, conversation without-any-particular-filter initiating environmental designer for a husband.

Bis Bald,