I’m so offended; I’m verging on being offensive.

I’ve been silent long enough. When did jeggings become okay? Why are we as a society accepting this? And since when did jeans become so “formal” and “ucomfortable” that we had to resort to jeggings? Are we that lazy and Jerry Springerish?

"Does my hat distract the eye away from my jeggings?"

Because if you weigh more than 54 lbs. and you’re wearing jeggings or any variation of this unsightly trend, you and your unavoidable camel-toe are en route to either Jerry Springer or Montel Williams. There’s no other excuse…and that’s a terrible excuse by the way. Maybe your boyfriend is courting his and/or your cousin because he/she doesn’t wear jeggings. He/She probably does, though, right? Leave the show, go buy yourself a pair of proper jeans, and clean up your life.

If, on the other hand you weigh 55 lbs. or more and are wearing jeggings, you had best be prepubescent. 12-years-old is the final age you can wear them without an obligatory wine spritzer in hand….and a Key Stone in the other.

Have I offended enough people, yet? Have I at least convinced you that jeggings are a bad idea? If you still find yourself pining for suction fit spandex resembling any type of denim, be it acid wash or indigo, wrapped tightly around your nether regions, I have one more argument to make. Put on your…jeggings…it’s getting hard to even type. Go to the nearest mirror. Look at yourself. See!

People! Can we just please wear jeans! PLEASE!!!! For the love of all that’s good in this world?

Observe how nice and shapely this lady's lower half appears in her straight leg jeans.

I'm actually a fan of the cuff. I realize Stacy and Clinton might chastise me, and you may also wish to avoid it, but I like to add little details to every day items. While it's not necessary, adding a large cuff shakes things up a bit. It must be done with a straight leg cut, though, and preferably with heels to add height. Otherwise, you'll just look like a hobit. Although, were I faced with the decision to resemble either Paris Hilton or Frodo....well...Frodo has lovely eyes, a sort of bedhead hairstyle, and no jeggings. I'm going with Frodo.

Check out http://www.maroonweekly.com/ for my second column that went live today!