Thursday, April 7, 2011

Making morning sickness en vogue?

I realize that my spotty posting over the past several weeks has boasted mainly of vomit, and I'm more ready than anyone for that phase of my life to be over. I'll hit the 12 week mark tomorrow so let's hope my hormones simmer down a bit over the next couple of weeks.

I couldn't resist one more sickly post, though, as it's come to my attention that new possibilities exist in beautifying green moms-to-be!

Have you ever been enjoying a nice lunch out with a friend only to be grossly disturbed by the baleful lurching of some inconsiderate fatty, who appears to be harboring a fetus? Who let her out of her cage?! Does she have to make such a scene? We get it. You're adding to the population, but could you please halt the sickening dramatics? At least find a decent Louis Vuitton in which to deposit your pre-digested lunch!

While I've not had anyone directly treat me as such, the overall attitude in regards to pregnant women being ill isn't too far off from that. We are inconveniencing the rest of society because we are so gross. I've had several women describe to me past morning sickness experiences resulting in snarky comments from non-preggo coworkers about not being able to eat lunch because "your loud vomiting is grossing everyone out."

Really? Where do I begin? Let me list just a few of the things that perpetually gross out us unsightly pregnant ones and lead to quite a bit of vomit:

1. Eating and/or not eating (so sorry to disrupt your delightful lunch!)
2. Your lunch
3. Whatever exploded in the microwave
4. Growing a human being
5. Migraines
6. Walking at times
7. You blowing your nose
8. Me blowing my nose
9. Talking
10. Being conscious

Yes, hearing and (Lord forbid) witnessing someone throw up is not fun; I realize this. What is less fun is walking around in perpetual fear and self-consciousness because you don't know when and where you'll be dubbed an invalid because you might encounter an uncontrollable urge to toss your cookies. Fortunately, I'm past the point of caring.

But for the ladies hoping to beautify the vomit experience for everyone else, I have just the item. Why not invest in Morning Chicness Bags?


Onlookers may think you're gross, but they'll think your vomit bag is fab!

Really? I think I'll invest in some baby diapers.

4 comments:

  1. That's frickin hilarious! I never thought I'd see the day... Actually I never thought about it at all. Where do you find such an item??? I'm totally going to by these as a "gag" gift for whichever friend of mine comes up preggers next! Hope you're feeling better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're kidding right? Where do you find this stuff? LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't forget smells. While, someone pregnant and sick may gross out some stick figure 19 year old that doesn't realize middle age is unkind to us all- their friggin' bubble gum/ Paris Hilton toilet water combo is killing me!

    ReplyDelete