Thursday, May 19, 2011

Remember when I wasn't pregnant? Oh, and another fun surprise (really).

So, I haven't been writing much as of late...as you may have noticed. The state of mind in which I currently reside is a difficult one to describe. With the risk of sounding needlessly melodramatic, I've more or less shifted into survival mode. I mean, how many entries can I post reminding you that I'm very very ill. And that's part of the problem; I'm still very very ill.

Not to scare future mothers-to-be into having their tubes tied; if you have the distinct pleasure of experiencing morning sickness, or pretty-much-whenever-sickness as in my case, you will be fine. It's a labor of love. You will, however, experience mixed emotions when other pregnant women gleefully exclaim that they never got sick and, in fact, have all the energy in the world. The emotional cocktail will consist of 1 part happiness that they don't have to go through all that junk (mostly because you know it's wrong to wish such things upon others) and 3 parts searing rage due to their need to let you know that they feel much much better than you. But then you have to remind yourself that the searing rage probably has something to do with escalated hormones and that you would most likely regret having to birth your child in jail after being incarcerated for the killing rampage you're currently considering. It's good that I work closely with 18-year-olds during this season of my life.

All of that aside, my survival mode mainly consists of getting through the work day, hoping that my office door is closed as I lunge toward my trash can, looking at my Reeboke Easytones whenever I get home, wondering if they actually work, considering going on a walk because that would be really good for me, foregoing said walk, and finally falling into bed. It sounds like a sad life, but you know, it's really not. It has a distinct purpose, and right now that purpose is paramount.

That paramount purpose is also....a boy!


As I enter my fourth month, I've come to the realization that it is okay if I don't write for a little while. I've been struggling with guilt regarding this and then with a different guilt over not doing anything about it. Then I threw all of that guilt out the window because I realized that I'm still me. Just a very tired version of me. My interests haven't changed in the least; in fact, they've increased quite a bit. But right now, I just don't have the words, energy, or focus to describe it all.

I think it's a precious time that I'm meant to share with my family and friends, and hopefully in the near future, I'll be back up and blogging. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe after the baby is here? I don't know. But hopefully soon!

Thanks so much to those who have followed and don't wander off too far. Future baby boy shenanigans are sure to ensue...along with baby boy shoes! No tattoos, though...at least not for the first year.

2 comments:

  1. New follower. Love this post and your humor. I can relate to your scenario, from both sides. When pregnant with my each of my girls I was healthy, bubbly, and nauseatingly perky but not nauseous. My son was a different story- 6 months of abject misery and living on sprite and crackers, yet getting supah-dupah fattastic (really, how?). You are right to let the guilt go. It is such small stuff to worry about when you are trying to survive each day without murdering someone. Haha.

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